It’s Not My Fault
When I took my seat in the car, my husband, Evan, immediately asked, “What happened? Is everything okay?”
He could tell from my expression that something was wrong.
“Please start the car,” I told him.
As we started moving, I said, “I want to eat something.”
“You didn’t eat anything there?” he asked.
‘I ate enough humiliation,’ I thought to myself.
Seeing my silence, he suggested, “Pani Poori?”
“Yes,” I nodded.
“What’s the matter?” he asked again, concerned.
I didn’t respond.
“Do you want to buy another car? I talked to the loan guy today; we can arrange it and book the car now,” he said with a chuckle.
I glanced at him but said nothing.
He parked the car in front of our usual Pani Poori stall.
As I was about to open the door to wash my hands, a man carrying two cartons of eggs was passing by. Without checking, I opened the door, causing him to fall, and the eggs to break all over the road and splatter on our car windows.
Even though it was my fault, I started yelling at him, “Don’t you have eyes? My mood was already ruined, and now you’ve made it worse.”
“Hello madam, it’s you who ruined my business. There were 50 eggs here, and now they’ve turned into the world’s largest omelet on the road,” he said.
For a moment, I couldn’t tell if he was crying or laughing.
“Sir, please pay me 500,” he said, looking at Evan.
“Don’t pay him, he’s at fault here,” I insisted.
Evan glanced at me, “Really? Is he?”
He took out 500 and handed it to the man.
I looked away as Evan cleaned the car, looking pissed.
“Get in,” he said. We both got back into the car.
I knew it was my mistake to open the door without checking, but in my frustration, I blamed him.
When I mess up, it’s easy to point fingers, but owning up to it is hard. Blaming others just makes things more complicated, while taking responsibility actually makes everything easier.
Adding New Identity to the Layers
“Tell me what happened at the party,” Evan prompted.
I recounted the entire incident. After hearing my story, Evan initially laughed, “I’d love to meet Japan Aunt. She must have nerves of steel to humiliate you like that. I salute…”
His sentence trailed off as he caught my furious glare.
Quickly changing his tone to concern, he asked, “So, how do we teach her a lesson? What’s your plan?”
“I want to change my identity,” I replied firmly.
“What’s your current identity?” he inquired.
I paused to consider his question, then flipped it back to him, asking, “And what’s your identity?”
“My identity begins with being John and Eva’s son, Rachel’s husband, Mark, and Mary’s father, and a Product Manager,” he explained thoughtfully. “You can’t change your identity; what you can do is add more roles to your shoulders. You’ll always carry your identities as a daughter, wife, mother, and homemaker. And to these titles, you can add another.”
He spoke with clarity and understanding.
“Wow, you explained that so well. I wish I had you with me at the party when that lady was grilling me about identity. You could have given that answer,” I said, playfully punching his arm. “Everyone always says how intelligent you are, and I never believed them. But you are smart.”
He chuckled. “So, Paani Poori?”
“No, let’s go home. The maid has already called twice; she’s getting late to reach home. Let’s release her first, and then we can come here with the kids,” I suggested. We headed back home.
When I get the right advice at the right moment from the right person, it really helps me gain clarity on the situation.
Kitchen Chaos
When I rang the bell, Mary opened the door and excitedly announced, “I tried four recipes today!”
I rolled my eyes and asked, “And the status of my kitchen is…?”
Looking down, she admitted, “Messy.”
Evan picked her up and asked, “So, what recipes did my princess try?”
“Sandwich, Maggi, healthy salad, cheese omelet… and…” she paused, trying to remember.
“Yucky mango juice,” Mark chimed in.
“Okay, enough is enough. Go to bed and sleep,” I commanded.
After a while, everything was back to normal. I paid the maid 1000 bucks since she had a lot of extra work because of the kids. She looked exhausted, and it was clear she might not come back next time if I called her.
The kids slept, and Evan also went to bed. The house was silent. I could breathe easily looking at my clean home.
When my emotions and thoughts are chaotic, a messy home becomes an enemy, making breathing hard. Clearing up the external mess helps me clean up my internal mess too.
Late-Night Demotivation
Unable to sleep, I told my friend, “Hi, how are you?”
Her name is Nora, and she works at a tech company. I just wanted to know how her work life was going.
“I’m not fine, still at the office,” she replied, sending a picture of herself. “Planning to resign.”
“Why?” I asked, surprised.
“Project deadline, so my team is working late, and my baby is crying at home. My husband is almost irritated,” she explained.
“I’m planning to work,” I said.
“Please enjoy your freedom now. You can start later. A job is tough,” she replied, dampening my enthusiasm about working right away.
“Okay, I’ll chat with you later, a little busy now,” she said.
In my friends’ group, she is the only one working; the rest are housewives. She was my hope, but she demotivated me.
When I make a career decision, it involves hidden sacrifices and tough choices. It’s not just me; every woman goes through it.
The Challenge Needs a Deadline
I dared to ask Evan aloud, hoping he’d wake up and answer, ‘What job should I try?’
No response. I shook him, ‘Evan, Evan!’ I called out louder.
Startled, he opened his eyes, ‘What’s wrong?’ He sat up instantly.
Reluctantly, I asked, ‘What job should I try?’
He stared at me for a moment, his expression unreadable.
Then he sighed and buried his head back under the blanket, falling back asleep.
After that, I didn’t dare disturb him again.
But what job should I pursue? I only have a basic degree. My friend Nora did some courses after her degree, I think. She mentioned it ages ago, but now she says she doesn’t enjoy her job. Who would help me find a job?
A message popped up on my phone: ‘The challenge needs a deadline – Japan Aunt.’ It was an unknown number, but I recognized Japan Aunt’s picture from WhatsApp. She’s probably going to be a pain.
I didn’t reply. Another message came through: ‘When will you complete your challenge? Option a: 3 months, b: 6 months, c: one year.’
I replied, ‘Option B.’
Now I had six months to create a new identity for myself, to find a job!!! Suddenly, I remembered when Evan resigned three years ago; it took him a year to find another job, despite his experience. Here I am with no experience. I wanted to choose option c – I needed a year! But I didn’t want to message her again. Let’s try with option b.
No matter how tough it gets, I’ve got to give it my all and end with a victory smile—that’s what matters.
5 Lessons you can learn from this chapter
- Admitting Fault: Recognizing and owning up to our mistakes, rather than blaming others, strengthens our character and integrity.
- Seeking and Valuing Good Advice: Receiving timely and wise advice can help us correct our course and make better decisions.
- The Power of Tidiness: Cleaning up our physical space can lead to peace and order in our lives.
- Understanding Sacrifices in Career Choices: Every career decision comes with its own challenges and sacrifices that must be carefully considered.
- Perseverance and Determination: Even when faced with difficult tasks or changes, it’s important to stay committed and strive for success.
Navigating the Early Career Maze: Overcoming the Confusion of Job Choices for Women
Starting a career is an exciting yet challenging phase of life. For many women, one of the biggest struggles is the initial confusion about what job to pursue. With numerous options available, the pressure to make the right choice can be overwhelming. This blog aims to address this common dilemma and provide guidance on finding clarity in your career path.
Understanding the Confusion
The confusion about choosing a career often stems from several factors:
- Societal Expectations: Women often face societal pressures that influence their career choices. Expectations to conform to traditional roles or to succeed in certain fields can create confusion and conflict.
- Lack of Exposure: Limited exposure to various career options during early education and upbringing can restrict knowledge about potential paths.
- Overwhelming Choices: With the plethora of job options available today, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to start.
- Fear of Failure: The fear of making the wrong choice can paralyze decision-making. The stakes seem high, and the pressure to succeed can lead to indecision.
Steps to Overcome Career Confusion
- Self-Assessment: Start by understanding your interests, strengths, and values. Tools like personality tests (e.g., Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) and skills assessments can provide insights into careers that align with your profile.
- Research and Exploration: Take time to research various career options. Look into job descriptions, required skills, and potential career paths. Informational interviews with professionals in different fields can provide valuable insights.
- Seek Guidance: Don’t hesitate to seek advice from career counselors, mentors, or coaches. They can offer perspective and help you navigate your choices.
- Gain Experience: Internships, part-time jobs, and volunteer work can provide hands-on experience and help you understand what you enjoy and where you excel.
- Set Goals: Define short-term and long-term career goals. Having clear objectives can guide your decisions and make the path forward less daunting.
- Stay Flexible: Understand that your first job doesn’t have to be your lifelong career. It’s okay to change paths as you gain more experience and understanding of your preferences.
Conclusion
The journey to finding the right career is often filled with uncertainties and challenges, especially for women facing societal and personal pressures. However, by taking proactive steps to understand yourself, exploring different options, seeking guidance, and staying open to change, you can overcome the initial confusion and find a career that brings you satisfaction and success.
Remember, the path to your ideal career is rarely a straight line. Embrace the journey, learn from each experience, and trust that with persistence and self-awareness, you will find your way.